*My Thoughts*

By Kristie Wickland — archived from parentingmisc/mythoughts.htm, 6 December 1998.

I am a strong believer in Attachment Style Parenting. I understand that a lot of people haven't yet discovered that this family centered style of parenting is truly wonderful. I believe that what I am doing for my kids is the best. All the way from the way I give birth to the way my children are educated. My kids are happy, healthy, creative, kind and inquisitive. A lot of people roll their eyes at me when I say that my almost 3 year old is still nursing. Unfortunately most of those people refuse to see the benefits from it, instead they create a wall in their minds and refuse to open up to the idea that I am only doing what nature intended. It's gotten frustrating not to mention exhausting to explain my parenting. I have a hard time understanding why someone would question someone as myself who is obviously educated about the decisions that I make for my kids. I would never just take what a so called 'expert' said and implement that into my life without asking questions. Yes, it seems that I'm always going against the grain of things, but does that make me wrong? I don't think so. Mainstream doesn't mean the right way....just because MOST people are doing it doesn't mean that it won't be harmful. The old adage "if your friend jumped off a bridge would you?" comes into mind. Parents try to get across just because everyone else is doing it does that mean you should do it? Well, I think that is what I'm practicing. I refuse to jump just because everyone else is. My views aren't necessarily accepted by most, and that is fine. I will not, and refuse to be pressured into a decision that I don't feel 100% comfortable with. So many people judge the way our family lives.....from how we give birth, to educating our kids, and even how many kids we should be having. Unfortunately most of what I say is tossed aside when I try to explain why we do the things we do. We would never hurt our kids, I can't imagine that people would think any different. But that is how I feel when I am put down for our 'radical' ways. I wish what we did wasn't considered radical our 'way out there'.

I feel awful whenever I see a family who has no support or poor medical information. Not being able to be give their children breastmilk, and through no fault or *any choice of their part, ended up switching to something much less acceptable to the body. These families can get through this and end up learning from their experiences. Many times these women are in some respects better educated and better off than families who never have ever experienced engorgement, had a support, and breastfeed for their children for beyond the toddler years, simply because they worked like so hard to give their child the BEST they possibly could. These women are not the ones feeling guilty, and if they are, they are the moms who will USE that guilt to do it differently next time. Using that awful pang in my gut made me do things different the next time. I'm happy to report that I am tandem nursing and am overjoyed that I can give my children the best. I still feel that guilt and it will always be with me, however I think that is the motivation for me to educate about the inadequacy of formula and other alternatives. "I was raised on formula and I turned out fine" -- or did you? Just because it worked or seemed to work this one time doesn't mean that there aren't times where it hasn't. The odds are stacked against you if you start with something less than the best.

To continue.....we choose to have a family bed. We do this because we feel safer, our kids feel safer and we feel that this is the best way to get a good nights sleep. Yes, sometimes our kids decide they want to sleep in their room, sometimes they fall asleep on the couch. Although we usually move them to a futon mattress on the floor in our room. In the United States we somehow think that as soon as a baby is born, they should prove themselves independent by sleeping in an isolated 6 x 3 foot little caged compartment. I don't think that children should have this thrust upon them. Family co-sleeping takes full advantage of the ease of breastfeeding, as there is no need to go to another room to get the child. A breastfeeding mother in a "family bed" can easily feed her child without having to wake fully, and can continue to get the important rest she needs. Thus co-sleeping encourages mothers to extend breastfeeding and all of its numerous benefits for a longer time. Studies of adults in coma have shown that the presence of another person in the room significantly improves heart rate, heart rhythm, and blood pressure. It seems reasonable to assume that infants and children derive similar health benefits to having others in the same room with them. I realized how much I enjoyed having my kids close to me when we are sleeping. When I hear people saying negative things about the family bed, I feel sorry for them for having missed out on this wonderful and special experience.

Another thing that has a lot of misinformation attached to it is Circumcision. The discussion of circumcision is a perfect example of the strength and influence of tribal programming on our thought and emotional responses. This programming is so ingrained that many people cannot even discuss the subject of circumcision without guilt, denial, or other strong emotions. I know that even addressing the subject of the baby boy's bodily integrity, choices, and pain if the procedure is done can cause a "kill the messenger" reaction. But this programming can be successfully questioned and worked through, if desired. Many Jewish couples have rethought their views on circumcision and have decided not to have it done to their sons. Circumcision to me had always seemed dumb, pointless, brainless and downright mean! As soon as I became a mother of a son, I think my feelings increased to defining circumcision as taking advantage of a persons inability to make their own decision a complete disregard for what is natural and supposed to be. If a family chooses circumcision .... health care workers must inform them of the RISKS!

Back to Featured Articles